Family

A Gnome in the Hand

June 5, 2011

Mike made a third and final trek to Kansas this past week to bring home the remainder of his parents' belongings. Among all of the boxes and totes crammed inside the Uhaul was a container full of lawn ornaments that I'd specifically stated he did not have to bring home.

However, Mike has never been one to throw anything away, and if he had his way, Hoarders would be asking him to sign on the dotted line so they could give him the 15 minutes of fame he longs for.

When Mike toted into the kitchen the box full of faded, chipped, and downright unsightly ornaments, he asked me where I'd like them put. I simply said, "The Good Will is fine," and he replied, "But don't you think they'd be pretty all sitting out in the yard?" I stared at him, and with a resigned "Okay," he walked back outside with the box.

We grilled out that evening, and while the steaks browned I sat on the wicker loveseat and looked around, marveling at how green and full everything had gotten with all the rain we've had lately.

And that's when I spied something odd among the spirea…

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Through squinted eyes, I took a closer look…

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You've got to be kidding me, I thought…

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MIKE STEWART!

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I shuddered.

I growled.

This was right up there with that time he took the Yorkie statue – also from his parents' house – and put it under my pillow with a note that said, "I love you, Paulette, and I'm so glad I came to live with you."

I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself, when I was faced with yet another shock:

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All I could do was stand there and stare, mouth agape.

What would you do? Pray tell, what do you DO with a man such as this?

And why does a scene like the following not surprise me?

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(Did I mention downright unsightly?)

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31 Comments

  • Linda in CO

    June 5, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    Paulette, you have a wonderful guy there. When you asked “what do you do”, just give him a big hug and kiss and help the man unload the box of garden “jewerly”. (I happen to have an assortment of hoards of different treasures and my own wonderful guy who puts up with them all. And, mows around some of them!)

  • Catherine

    June 5, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    Too funny!! That last gnome hiding in the bushes looks like he is up to no good – more like a sneaky leprechaun!

  • Gabi

    June 6, 2011 at 1:13 am

    That is HILARIOUS….lol.
    You are aware that you can’t really win that aren’t you? Men normally do know when it’s time to get out their most charming heart melting smile.

  • Marika

    June 6, 2011 at 4:21 am

    Oh Paulette. this entry actually made me cry. The gnomes are so similar to the ones my Oma had in her garden in Germany…they are lovely!

  • joann tx

    June 6, 2011 at 7:03 am

    i hope mike doesn’t put a gnome statue under your pillow….
    as long as there aren’t that many, gnomes in the garden can be ok, especially if you have the room for them?
    bless his heart!

  • Julie McConnell

    June 6, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Well ya know Paulette, gnomes are coming back in style so lets look at it this way….you’re a trendsetter!! You’re ahead of the curve. People everywhere will emulate you. Not me of course, but I’m sure someone somewhere will. LOL! I think Mike and Dan would get along well. Dan pulls the same kind of stuff.
    Enjoy your new lawn art!
    Julie

  • Robin Hager

    June 6, 2011 at 8:14 am

    I believe I would release Friday to make that “hike”. The gnomes are pretty cute, though. I don’t know about the one with the mustache…..

  • Ter'e Crow Lindsay

    June 6, 2011 at 9:46 am

    There is one word for your precious husband……………..PREC-IOUS!!!!!!!!! How cute he is. We all know his personality and character, even tho we do not know the man.
    Perhaps you can dress the gnomes on holidays……………I’m just sayin………….
    P.S. And no – I do not want your precious man. I have one that is equally as precious. Ya just gotta love them!!!!!!

  • Cathryn

    June 6, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Well, after I picked myself up off the floor (from laughing so hard), I thought I’d write and say my favorite gnome is the last one peeking through the grass. 😉 Cathryn

  • Linda Huson

    June 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Ahhh Paulette! This is so sweet. I would just let him have his gnomes (another name for them would be “memories”). They did give me the giggles – seeing them peep out. I think at least once a week, you should move them to various spots and wait until he finds them. Give him a laugh!
    My husband could be on Hoarders also – very easily. If I want to throw anything out, I have to actually hide it in the trash.
    Linda in VA

  • Connie

    June 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Well… gnomes are just trolls with attitude and not quite so inbred…that’s why they are cuter except the one with the facial hair…not so sure about him!! LOL!!

  • cheap jerseys

    June 6, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    You are aware that you can’t really win that aren’t you? Men normally do know when it’s time to get out their most charming heart melting smile.

  • cheap customized jerseys

    June 7, 2011 at 3:20 am

    Paulette, you have a wonderful guy there. When you asked “what do you do”, just give him a big hug and kiss and help the man unload the box of garden “jewerly”. (I happen to have an assortment of hoards of different treasures and my own wonderful guy who puts up with them all. And, mows around some of them!)

  • Dede

    June 7, 2011 at 11:36 am

    I have a statue that was given to me by the son of a dear lady who loved flowers as much as I do…every time I look at “Betty” I have good memories…I am sure your hubby has the same feelings and now your kids will too!
    Cute post and will be one of those memories told over the holiday table in years to come!

  • Maureen Martello

    June 9, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I was sitting there reading your post and cracking up. Good thing no one was around. This has to be the funniest post ever!!

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